Out of Time
by Mercedes Aria
Summary: NEW CHAPTER UP: Picard's ruminations on one who ran out of time. R&R very much appreciated.
1. Out of Time

AN: I don't know why I even wrote this, except I may have been medicated at the time. Hehe... Although, compared to some outlandish fics that every genre seems to have, maybe this isn't so bizarre. Anyway, this is for your amusement only. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with my other STNG fics. Nothing!! No need to flame. I already know this is completely out of character and absurd. So go ahead and laugh... I blame it all on Q!

_I am curious to know what you think about this piece. Should it be a one-shot work or should it be expanded as one kind reviewer suggested? Your thoughts and comments are much appreciated :-)_

Disclaimer: Star Trek: The Next Generation and its characters are the property of Paramount Pictures. Nothing is mine except the plot idea.   
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Thirty-four years ago, he recalled, the Federation starship, Orion, answered a distress signal. Wars had ravished the lousy excuses for colonies. One colony, Turkana IV, was particularly terrible. Starfleet never knew exactly who had set off the distress signal or why they had chosen that day to do so and they never found out. The U.S.S Orion was the closest ship to the planet and was sent to investigate.

The signal originated in the basement of a condenmed building that was miraculously still standing. The Orion's crew was appalled beyond words at the filth and gore of the colony. They ran into a band of rouge scavengers who had taken an interest the Starfleet officers. The battle was short; the primitive weapons of the scavengers were no match for the phasers of the away team. It took the crew while to clear debris away from the only door leading to the basement. After blasting the rusted lock off the door, they were shocked at what lay behind it. Twenty children, ages ranging from five to thirteen, were crowded into the tiny 8' by 10' room. It was impossible to tell how long they had been there; the squallor of the place made it hard to imagine that anyone could exist there for any length of time. The frightened children shrunk back from the crew, climbing over each other in attempt to find someplace to hide. There were no adults, just the children. How they got there and why would never be answered. The away team began immediate evacuation of the children. Just as the last group was being beamed aboard, the Orion was ordered to get away from the planet. Surface explosions and an unstable atmosphere was making it too dangerous to remain in orbit. The children were taken to the nearest starbase. Once the Orion arrived at the starbase, the crew was given a week long leave from Starfleet. The crew chose to remain with children with whom they had developed an attachment.

The commander of the Orion watched his fellow crew members with the children of Turkana IV. He kept his distance as children made him extremely uncomfortable. One little girl, a gaunt seven-year-old with very short blond hair, had caught his eye. There was something about the child that made her stand out from the others despite the fact that she was nothing to look at. Many times the commander saw her watching him, regarding him. She appeared to want to approach him, but she never did.

Then on the second day as the commander was sitting in the officer's lounge drinking a cup of tea, the girl climbed into a chair across from him. She sat on her feet and leaned on the table with her chin in her small hands. The commander was stunned. His head was spinning; he didn't know what to say to a child- how to entertain one- especially a girl. He shifted, uncomfortable in his seat, and then the girl asked him to tell her about earth. He tried to answer her as best he could. He didn't know how to tell her about his home in a way that she would understand. The child seemed to sense that and she asked a few questions that demonstrated her intelligence. As he told his tale, the girl listened intently, never fidgeting, never appearing bored. Soon the commander forgot that he was talking to a child. Time flew and before long a lieutenant in charge of the children came looking for the girl. Reluctantly, she left, waving a small good-bye.

That night the commander had trouble sleeping; his sleep was plagued with dreams of the colony the girl had come from. The next day the girl sought him out again and for the next two days. She spoke only to ask him questions in order to get him to her more about Earth and Starfleet and traveling the stars. On the sixth he didn't see her at all. He tracked the lieutenant who had gotten her days earlier. She explained that the girl had gotten into some serious trouble with another child and was in isolation. When the commander expressed his surprised, the lieutenant told him that she was quite the troublemaker and unsociable to boot. The commander asked to see the child and was taken to her. The little girl was clearly surprised to see him as well as awed. She was sitting huddled in a corner, hugging her knees to her chest, and rocking back and forth. The commander knelt to her; he could feel her tense at his being so close. It took over an hour of coaxing to get her to talk to him. Eventually she broke down and told her story. The commander was surprised to find that she was as uncomfortable around him as he had been around her and yet she had mustered up the courage to speak to him.

The next morning, the crew of the Orion prepared to leave the star base. The children they had rescued gathered in the shuttle to say good-bye. The commander scanned the crowd looking for the little girl who had managed to worm her way into his heart. Finally, he spotted the familiar mop of blond hair. The girl shoved her way past the others to reach him. He knelt down to her level, bracing himself for the hug he expected would be coming. The girl stopped in front of him and looked at him. Her eyes were pools of liquid blue that appeared to be on the verge of spilling over. Neither one said anything. The commander eventually looked away; the pained look in her eyes was too much for him. Suddenly, a pair of scrawny arms wrapped themselves around his neck. Though he couldn't quite bring himself to return the embrace, he was surprised that the hug didn't bother him quite as much as he thought it would. Instead he found himself wanting to pick her up and take her with him.

The girl pulled back and whispered in his ear, "Please don't leave me like everyone else."

In the weeks that followed the commander found that he could not forget the little girl he had met. Immersing himself in his work was the only to temporarily put her out of his mind. But when he wasn't working, her eyes still haunted him.

So late one night when he couldn't sleep, he managed to track her down. He called in several favors and was able to become her legal guardian. He kept in touch with her constantly and saw her when he could. It took some doing and a lot time before he was able to get her on the same ship with him. His stance toward children had never changed; they still made him extremely uncomfortable.

But Tasha was no ordinary child. She was far from perfect and she had many problems to work through. But under the commander's guidance she became a disciplined teenager. When she was twelve the commander offically adopted her. It was Tasha's idea to keep her adoption between them and to tell as few people as possible. This was in part because Tasha had decided to go on to Starfleet Academy and wanted to get in on her own merit and not her mentor's. The commander agreed.

Tasha was accepted to the Academy. The commander was incredibly proud of his "daughter". Though they did not have much correspondence after her graduation, they managed to remain close. Through the years Tasha's unconditional love had helped him heal from the death of his best friend who died shortly before the commander met her and whose death he felt was his fault. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Captain," Admiral Robinson sighed. "You know I would do anything for you, but I can't change Lt. Yar's assignment."

The commander who had become captain nodded.

"Understood. I just felt that she would have made an excellent addition to my crew. I still don't have a chief of security."

The admiral regarded him for a moment. "I can't changed her assignment because she's already a member of the Enterprise crew."

The first several months were an adjustment period for the crew of the Enterprise and having Tasha nearby greatly helped the captain. It took a great deal of effort on both their parts to keep up the fascade that they did not know each other well. The only person who might have suspect that there was more to their relationship than met the eye was Deanna Troi, the ship's counselor. If she did have suspicions she kept them to herself. If one had ever closely observed the captain and Tasha, one might have picked up on the shared mannerisms and personality traits. However, no one had that much time on their hands. The captain had never been exceptionally please that Tasha had chosen to become a secruity officer but he felt that having her under his comand would keep her safe to some extent. But that feeling did not last. He had just dismissed his senior staff from a debriefing that sent a number of them to the surface of Varga III to recover Counselor Troi whose shuttle had crashed. Tasha had lingered behind, waiting for everyone to leave. Without a word she kissed her adoptive father on the cheek and began to leave. An odd feeling came over the captain and he had the urge to call her back.   
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_"...but if there was anyone in the universe I could choose to be like or make proud of me, it'd be you..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _  
It took a long while for the impact of her death to sink. Even at the memorial service it didn't seem real to him. He only half-listened to her holograph recording. Her words did not bother him when she refered to him. Even in death Tasha kept their secret faithfully. After the service he watched the crew leave and noticed that Beverly stay behind. As she hugged Wesley close he promised himself that one day he would tell her about his Tasha. ___   
"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and__deeds left undone."__-Harriet Beecher Stowe_  
  
Fins (Or not?) 


	2. Interlude

"Captain, I request to transfer to the Enterprise-C."

"For what reason?"

"They need someone at tactical."

"We need you here."

"I'm not supposed to be here sir."

"What did she say to you?"

"I don't belong here sir. I'm, I'm... supposed to be dead."

"She felt it was necessary to reaveal that to you?"

"I felt it was necessary."

"I see." ... You don't belong on that ship, Lieutenant."

"Guinan says I died a senseless death in the other timeline. I didn't like the sound of that, captain. I've always known the risks that come with a Starfleet uniform. If I'm to die in one I'd like my death to count for something."

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Their encounter with the Romulans was over for now. Sela was gone. A cold heaviness settled around Picard's heart.

Guinan silently observed the Enterprise captain who seemed deeply disturbed by something.

If what Guinan claims is true about Enterprise-C...if Sela was honest about her heritage...Blast it, Guinan! How could you have told her she was supposed to be dead!

Guinan could tell their conference was over by Picard's silence. Without a word, she dimissed herself from the Captain's ready room to return to her duties in Ten-Forward.

Picard was unaware that she had left. He let his eyes close, but there was no relief from the face he knew would haunt him now. His thoughts drifted...

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"What in the hell am I doing - crying?"

" Don't worry. There is a new ship's standing order on the bridge. When one is in the penalty box, tears are permitted.

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The corner's of his mouth turned up as he remembered how she had shrugged his hand off of her shoulder, frunstrated and angry with herself for showing weakness, showing fear.

He sighed as the memory faded. A weariness fell upon him; he was exhuasted from the events of the past several days. Perhaps he should take a nap...

"Jean-Luc?"

He felt disoriented as he tried to open his eyes.

"Jean-Luc? Are you all right?"

Picard looked up and found himself looking into the concerned azure eyes of his chief medical officer.

"Yes," he finally. "Bit tired, that's all."

Beverly didn't seem convinced, but she let it go.

"When you have the chance, I'd like to talk to what just happened. About..."

Picard caught her hesitance.

"About Sela?" he supplied.

Beverly pressed her lips together. "Mhmm. At another time, though. You need to rest. Perhaps over dinner.."

"There's no time like the present," he cut her off. Then more gently said, "Please. Sit. I could stand talking to someone about...all this."

The doctor took a seat across from him, leaning her elbows on the desk. She looked at him through firey tendril of hair. There was a pained expression in her eyes.

"I miss her, Jean-Luc. I know it's crazy, but I do."

Picard's heart skipped a beat.

"I know," he said quietly. "I do, too."


End file.
